sirona_fics: (never leave me)
[personal profile] sirona_fics
All right, well, DISTRACTION WHILE I'M TRYING NOT TO CHEW OFF A LIMB IN ANTICIPATION.

My entry for this year's [livejournal.com profile] sherlockmas.


Title: Not what is said, but what is whispered
Characters/Pairing: John/Sherlock, Mycroft/Lestrade, The Yard
Category: Slash
Rating: PG-13 for swearing
Word Count: ~2,100
Warnings: angst, meta, humour, epistolary-style fic
Summary: It takes The Yard's unparalleled policing talents to alert John Watson to the fact that his blog is in fact much more popular than he imagines. There are... stories online. About him. And Sherlock. Together. Naturally, John turns to Sherlock for a bit of a rant, expecting him to understand. It backfires spectacularly when it turns out that Sherlock hasn't been entirely honest with him...
Author's Notes: Many, many thanks to the wonderful [livejournal.com profile] stardust_made, for the most insightful suggestions that have vastly improved the piece. <3 Title adapred from a quote by Logan Pearsall Smith. Originally posted here.




From: s.donovan@met.police.uk
To: g.lestrade@met.police.uk, t.anderson@met.police.uk, f.dimmock@met.police.uk
Subject: What is wrong with the world these days??



Have you lot seen this?

http://johnsherlock.livejournal.com/profile

No, seriously, check it out. I don't want to be the only one whose eyes have melted.

S.



From: t.anderson@met.police.uk
To: s.donovan@met.police.uk, g.lestrade@met.police.uk, f.dimmock@met.police.uk
Subject: Oh dear fucking god



That is the worst thing I have ever seen, and I know what I'm talking about. Why would you do that to me, Donovan, WHY.

A.



From: f.dimmock@met.police.uk
To: t.anderson@met.police.uk, g.lestrade@met.police.uk, s.donovan@met.police.uk
Subject: Jesus, guys, it's not that bad



Some of these are surprisingly well-thought-out. I wonder how many times these people have read John's blog, to pick out so many details. One or two even have their own plots.

...Not to say that I've read a lot of them. Because I haven't. I'm just saying, some of these aren't half bad.

D.



From: t.anderson@met.police.uk
To: f.dimmock@met.police.uk, g.lestrade@met.police.uk, s.donovan@met.police.uk
Subject: My opinion of you just dived by 300 points



You read them?? I have to say, Dimmock, I had thought better of you.

A.



From: g.lestrade@met.police.uk
To: s.donovan@met.police.uk, f.dimmock@met.police.uk, t.anderson@met.police.uk
Subject: Oi



All right, all right, that's enough now. Anderson, don't be an arse. Dimmock, I'm sure you have more important things to be doing than reading stories on the internet. Donovan, I don't even want to know how you found this in the first place, for God's sake don't tell me.

...Do you think John knows already?

L.



From: s.donovan@met.police.uk
To: g.lestrade@met.police.uk
Subject: Re: Oi



You don't care if the freak knows?

S.



From: g.lestrade@met.police.uk
To: s.donovan@met.police.uk
Subject: Re: Re: Oi



Couldn't give less of a toss. Mind you, I wouldn't want to be anywhere near when John finds out.

L.



From: s.donovan@met.police.uk
To: g.lestrade@met.police.uk
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Oi



Serves the freak right. But yeah. Fuck. I'll email him. Poor bugger needs the heads-up. Always said the freak would be the end of him.

S.



From: g.lestrade@met.police.uk
To: s.donovan@met.police.uk
Subject: I'd have thought you'd have calmed down after that thing with the pool



Do we need to have the talk again, Donovan?

L.



From: s.donovan@met.police.uk
To: g.lestrade@met.police.uk
Subject: Not a sodding chance



Fine.

S.



From: s.donovan@met.police.uk
To: j.watson@johnwatsonblog.co.uk
CC: g.lestrade@met.police.uk, t.anderson@met.police.uk, f.dimmock@met.police.uk
Subject: Heads up, mate.



John,

I'm really sorry to have to do this to you, but we thought you ought to know.

http://johnsherlock.livejournal.com/profile

If you need help hunting them down, Anderson said to tell you we volunteer.

Sally



From: j.watson@johnwatsonblog.co.uk
To: s.holmes@thescienceofdeduction.co.uk
Subject: Have you seen this??



Did you know about this? Tell me you didn't know about this.

http://johnsherlock.livejournal.com/profile

J.



From: s.holmes@thescienceofdeduction.co.uk
To: j.watson@johnwatsonblog.co.uk
Subject: Know about what?



I don't see what the fuss is about.

SH



From: j.watson@johnwatsonblog.co.uk
To: s.holmes@thescienceofdeduction.co.uk
Subject: You don't see what the fuss is about.



Why am I even surprised anymore. Have you even looked at the stuff they write?? It's about-- Sherlock, they're taking the cases and writing-- Oh, I'm sure you know what they're writing already. Bloody hell.

J.



From: s.holmes@thescienceofdeduction.co.uk
To: j.watson@johnwatsonblog.co.uk
Subject: Repeating what I say won't make me more inclined to be concerned



Don't tell me you can't even write it out. It's sex. Fanfiction. RPS. I'm surprised that you don't know of it, a pop culture fan like you.

SH



From: j.watson@johnwatsonblog.co.uk
To: s.holmes@thescienceofdeduction.co.uk
Subject: How do you even know what fanfiction means??



Shockingly enough, I've never come across it thus far. Especially not when it appears to be written about me. And how did you-- you know what, no, don't tell me. Really. Don't.

J.



From: s.holmes@thescienceofdeduction.co.uk
To: j.watson@johnwatsonblog.co.uk
Subject: Never knew you to be a prude



John, I spend rather a lot of time online, it can't have escaped even your notice. It's not something I could miss.

SH



From: j.watson@johnwatsonblog.co.uk
To: s.holmes@thescienceofdeduction.co.uk
Subject: I'm sorry if I find people writing stories about my personal life distasteful



And you didn't think it appropriate to make me aware of this? You didn't think I might like to know?

J.



From: s.holmes@thescienceofdeduction.co.uk
To: j.watson@johnwatsonblog.co.uk
Subject: So you could do what, exactly?



Have you even read any of them? Some of them are really quite good, although they do tend to exaggerate your fondness for tea. Open your mind, John. Aren't you the one who is always saying that?

SH



From: j.watson@johnwatsonblog.co.uk
To: s.holmes@thescienceofdeduction.co.uk
Subject: I happen to like tea very much, thank you



Sherlock. I can't help but notice that you appear to be quite familiar with the content of said fiction. Call me suspicious, but I have to wonder -- exactly how much of it have you read?

J.



From: s.holmes@thescienceofdeduction.co.uk
To: j.watson@johnwatsonblog.co.uk
Subject: I have noticed, John, don't insult me



I don't understand your attitude, John, I really do not. I would have thought you'd feel flattered that so many people read your blog, and find it engrossing enough to inspire, although I can't imagine why. You call those stories 'distasteful' -- is it really so terrible to believe that people might think us closer than mere colleagues? You will have to forgive me if I find that somewhat insipid.

SH



From: j.watson@johnwatsonblog.co.uk
To: s.holmes@thescienceofdeduction.co.uk
Subject: I didn't mean that



You know I didn't. That is not what I find distasteful. It's the fact that--Sherlock, they're writing about us having sex together. I would have thought you of all people would disapprove.

J.



From: s.holmes@thescienceofdeduction.co.uk
To: j.watson@johnwatsonblog.co.uk
Subject: Are you sure?



'Me of all people'. I wonder what you might mean by that particular differentiation.

Regardless. I wouldn't worry too much about it if I were you. No one takes them seriously; if we don't do anything to draw attention to it, it will go away eventually. I would venture to presume that your reputation shouldn't suffer too badly.

I have a case. Don't wait up.

SH



From: j.watson@johnwatsonblog.co.uk
To: s.holmes@thescienceofdeduction.co.uk
Subject: I'm sorry



I never meant to imply--Sherlock, you know that's not--I just thought, you were so adamant when you told me--look, I'm almost done at work. Can you wait for me?

J.



From: John Watson
To: Sherlock
17.35


Are you at home? I'm on my way. I'm just going to drop by Tesco's for milk. Do we need anything else?

J



From: John Watson
To: Sherlock
17.41


At Tesco's. If we've run out of Custard Creams, now's the time to come clean.

J



From: John Watson
To: Sherlock
17.43


I'll take that as a no, then.

J



From: John Watson
To: Sherlock
17.47


Picked up some biscuits anyway. I hope you're home when I get there. I'd really like to talk about this.

J



From: John Watson
To: Sherlock
18.07


Sherlock, where are you? The flat looks like something exploded. I didn't think the new case would involve shredding half the books you own.

J



From: John Watson
To: Sherlock
18.11


Look, just bloody text me, will you? Are you all right?

J



From: John Watson
To: Lestrade
18.15


Is Sherlock with you? He's not answering my texts, and the flat looks like a disaster zone.

J



From: Lestrade
To: John Watson
18.16


Haven't seen him in days. Is this about the email earlier? Sorry about that, by the way.

G.



From: John Watson
To: Lestrade
18.17


Kind of. It's not your fault. I might have said something insensitive. I was a bit thrown.

J



From: Lestrade
To: John Watson
18.17


I'm sure he's all right. I'll put out a notice just in case.

G.



From: John Watson
To: Lestrade
18.18


Thanks, Greg. Sorry.

J



From: Lestrade
To: John Watson
18.18


Don't mention it.

G.



From: John Watson
To: Mycroft Holmes
18.21


I'm sorry to bother you, it's probably nothing, but do you have a location on Sherlock? The flat is--well, I'm sure you know the state of it already.

JW



From: Mycroft Holmes
To: John Watson
18.21


Don't worry, John. He is checking in with his network. He is quite well. Physically.

MH



From: John Watson
To: Mycroft Holmes
18.23


Oh. I see. Thank you.

JW



From: Mycroft Holmes
To: John Watson
18.24


An apology should be sufficient, I believe. Although I would suggest you ruminate on the cause of Sherlock's present mood. I realise he can be quite trying, but he thinks very highly of you.

MH




From: John Watson
To: Mycroft Holmes
18.25


Thanks



From: Mycroft Holmes
To: Sherlock Holmes
18.25


You are making John very upset, I hope you realise. You know it came as a bit of a shock to him. I don't think I need to tell you about John's issues with unexpected news cropping up.

MH



From: Sherlock Holmes
To: Mycroft Holmes
18.26


Stay out of this.

SH



From: Mycroft Holmes
To: Sherlock Holmes
18.26


I'm sure he didn't mean it.

MH



From: Sherlock Holmes
To: Mycroft Holmes
18.26


Don't you have biscuits to scoff?

SH



From: John Watson
To: Sherlock
18.33


I'm sorry. Please come home. You know I didn't mean it like that. You're-- much more than just a colleague to me. That was never in question.

J



From: John Watson
To: Sherlock
18.36


I don't even care about the eyeballs in the kettle. Borrowed Mrs Hudson's. Kettle, not eyeballs. I thought we could go out for Chinese for dinner. You and I, not Mrs Hudson and I. Jesus. Chinese? Please?

J



From: John Watson
To: Sherlock
18.43


Sherlock, did you mean to leave my laptop on? The battery's almost dead, you might have plugged the charger in before going out. You were going to lose all this writing.

J



From: John Watson
To: Sherlock
18.52


Oh. I see. Well. That certainly explains a few things.

J



From: John Watson
To: Sherlock
18.54


I'm not mad, in case you're wondering. You probably aren't, but still. I wish you'd told me, but--it's not important. I just read that last story you wrote--



From: John Watson
To: Sherlock
18.54


I know I probably shouldn't have, but I'd like to think that I know you by now, and you wouldn't have left it open if you didn't want me to find it.

J



From: John Watson
To: Sherlock
18.55


It was--educational, to say the least.

J



From: John Watson
To: Sherlock
18.56


And really rather--



From: John Watson
To: Sherlock
18.56


Look. Come home so I can tell you how much I liked it.

J



From: Mycroft Holmes
To: Sherlock Holmes
06.59


No need to thank me.

MH



From: Sherlock Holmes
To: Mycroft Holmes
07.00


Piss off. Busy.

SH



From: Mycroft Holmes
To: Greg Lestrade
07.01


Disaster averted, situation under control.

MH



From: Greg Lestrade
To: Mycroft Holmes
07.01


No need to sound so smug about it. And do you have to text me from the other room? I thought you hated texting.

G.



From: Mycroft Holmes
To: Greg Lestrade
07.01


Making coffee. You're texting too, you realise. I won the bet. Pay up, Gregory.

MH



From: Greg Lestrade
To: Mycroft Holmes
07.02


You didn't play fair, Mycroft. Still, a bet's a bet. Come in here and claim your prize, then.

G.


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