Why brain why, mark 476

[sirona_fics]

I have somehow found myself with 8,400-odd words of a Clint/Phil fic (cleverly titled Phil's shirts are coul, which, I SERIOUSLY CANNOT EVEN /0\). And now I'm freaking the fuck out. Because this is a brand new paring for me, and okay, I've watched and re-watched the source material, but it always takes time to find the character voices that work for us, right? So yes, this is me panicking that it's rubbish/not making any sense/too much of one thing and not enough of another/completely and utterly OOC. And let's be honest, I've read precisely three Clint/Phil fics, all of which have struck a hell of a chord and I fucking love with all my heart, none of which have utilised the characterisation I'm aiming for (to this extent). This means that a) it it going to be a monumental failure, or b) it's going to be all right, exactly because it's different. But since I tend to find my feet with a pairing by reading ALLLL THE FIC EVER, I am understandably, like I said, freaking the fuck out.

Seriously, laria_gwyn is a saint for agreeing to look this over for me, after all the flailing we've been doing about Clint/Phil recently. I am just hoping it isn't entirely unsalvageable -- because in one way or another, this is at least a facet of how I see the characters. The question remains whether anyone else will see them like me (mostly being the BAMFest of BAMFs, and stupidly infatuated with each other, and alllll the pining (this is where I'm really working myself up), and Clint obsessing over Phil's snappy shirts-and-ties -- totally trufax, guys, check this out:



Y'all know my obsession with suit!porn, y/y?)

So yeah. Taking a leap is fucking scary. Here's hoping I fly instead of crashing. >.>;;

Oh god, one a.m. again, why. /0\ I fail at being an adult so much.

Comments

[somehowunbroken]

I AM SO GLAD YOU FEEL THIS WAY :DDDD shinysylver just shakes her head and pats me on the shoulder when I talk about how much I like them, hehe :)

[sirona-gs.livejournal.com]

HOW CAN PEOPLE NOT SEE HOW FUCKING PERFECT THEY ARE FOR EACH OTHER, I DON'T EVEN KNOW. ALLLLLLL THE FICS, SERIOUSLY. *_______*

[shinysylver.livejournal.com]

To be fair, my opinion may be influenced by the fact that neither of the men do much for me on top of me seeing Coulson in a non sexual way. But I'm glad that you all are having fun with them! There are enough Avengers pairings to go around. :D

[sirona-gs.livejournal.com]

No, dude, seriously, that is the beauty of this fandom -- there is something for everyone! :D Gah, no, that's just me, I tend to get WILDLY enthusiastic about new pairings, to the extent that I get ALL EXCITED and tend to stop filtering myself. I'm just thrilled to have another pairing to flail madly about! :D :D I'm certainly not trying to shove it down peolpe's throats -- but I AM EXCITE that other people like them as much as me! :D :D And of course, ALL THE OTHER PAIRINGS, TOO. *_______*

[shinysylver.livejournal.com]

I never thought you were shoving it down any throats. But Ki did pull me over to the convo. :D

Trust me I get the excitement, I read some Loki/Thor fic that was a revelation over the weekend so now I'm like...okay that too. It's like they keep hitting me with more pairings!

And I'm so excited to have Avengers excitement on my flist because it is such a happy place. :D

[sirona-gs.livejournal.com]

I always worry that people will take something I say as something against them, god I am so fucking sensitive sometimes. It's a curse. But yeah. /relieved

ALLL THE EXCITEMENT, SERIOUSLY. \0/ And yes, such a happy place! :D :D I remember when H50 was such a happy, positive place. :( It's nice to have it again!

[shinysylver.livejournal.com]

I am pretty hard to offend so unless you tell me my ships are stupid I'm pretty good. And I like your excitement as mentioned. It makes me smile :D

I remember when H50 was such a happy, positive place. :( It's nice to have it again!

Agreed. I feel like I am escaping into comics fandom more and more to avoid the bitterness in H50. Nothing chains my muse like negativity but with the Avengers there is so much happy!

I just wish I had more Avengers people on my flist. We need a good friending meme or something. The one I participated in didn't lead to much for me. :(

[sirona-gs.livejournal.com]

God, no, that would be appalling. I'll never understand people who do that. :/

Yes, I know. All the bitterness is turning me off faster than any writers' cock-up could. I just, I love the boys SO FUCKING MUCH, but ATM I just need to take a break from it all. I'm hoping I'll be able to come back in force, though! Here's hoping, I guess.

DUDE THAT IS A FUCKING SPECTACULAR IDEA. LET'S DO IT. I'll make up a meme as soon as I'm done with this event that I'm actually very late for, Jesus, gotta run, but TOTALLY SPAM ME WITH IDEAS FOR QUESTIONS, PLEASE. If you'd rather, you can email me at nhris18 [at] gmail! :D \0/

[shinysylver.livejournal.com]

YAY! Will do!

[shinysylver.livejournal.com]

Ha! You shake your head at me enough as it is. It's nice to get my own back. :-p

I just can't sexualize Coulson. To me he is the long suffering badass daddy figure of the group. But more power to you. I'll just make Loki my fandom bicycle while you have Clint/Coulson. And we'll all share Steve/Tony.

[somehowunbroken]

I can live with this. :D

[shinysylver.livejournal.com]

I thought you might manage. You can also keep your Steve/Bucky although my line is less drawn in the sand about that one. And have I mentioned lately how much I really want Winter Soldier? I need to write that fic.

[somehowunbroken]

I shall borrow Leia's enable ray. She won't mind. :D

[shinysylver.livejournal.com]

LOL. I really need to get through this HC Bingo and my two exchange fic first. And also that Avengers Big Bang I signed up for. The sad thing is that the HC Bingo is really the only thing I can blame on you. The rest was all me.

[somehowunbroken]

Well, I'll take the blame for the one, and you can add the others to the shawl. :D

[sirona-gs.livejournal.com]

Steve/Tony FOR THE MASSES. \0/

As for Coulson -- this is part of his appeal for me, at least. Because he's not much older than the rest of them, 10 years tops, and yeah, he takes care of everybody, right -- and he needs taking care of, too, or at least someone who's there for him at the end of the day (for a given value of 'there'). God, when I find an OTP, I DON'T MESS ABOUT, DO I. >.>;;

[shinysylver.livejournal.com]

Hehe. I guess it's like delicatale is always saying, there has to be some sort of attraction to pull me in to a pairing and I don't have it for Coulson or Clint right now.

I always reserve the right to change my mind because it doesn't have to be purely physical for me, but at the moment I am not feeling enough of the epic connection to override my lack of interest in the physical.

Does that make any sense? For example, I like Charles/Erik despite not being as attracted to them physically as some pairings because the epic love overrides that in my head. And I grew to be attracted to RDJ and Scott Caan because I love their characters so much.

In other words I could very well change my mind after the movie.

Sorry for rambling forever.

[sirona-gs.livejournal.com]

No, no, rambling FTW! :D It makes perfect sense. I know Ellie is not much for Charles/Erik, because she doesn't find either of them attractive. I guess for me, while YES it's brilliant when I fancy their pants off (seriously, rock star!Steve was a doddle to write, because I mean, WE'VE ALL SEEN HIM, RIGHT?), I can also fall in love with a pairing once I've read enough fics that they reach critical mass in my head and I tumble over the edge. :D We shall see!