Lord knows it would be the first time

[sirona_fics]

I feel so sad, so emotionally exhausted today, and it's all gyzym's fault, her and pressed against the pending physics of my passed down last name. It's so heartbreakingly beautiful that it made me curl up in a ball of contentment and abject hopelessness and resignation and longing -- not a natural born combination, I know.

It's just -- back when this whole thing started (god, I'm making it sound as if the Arthur/Eames fandom has been going on for years, when it didn't really exist before June), I remember syrraki saying she didn't like it, because all fandom really wants is Arthur and Eames having sex with each other. And okay, there's a lot of that, I'm not going to lie, and there's nothing wrong with that at all, we'd be hypocrites to complain about it. This story, though, this story is so damned powerful that I don't think anyone could say that the Arthur/Eames fandom is just about the sex after they read it.

No other fandom has made me crave having a significant other like this one has. And okay, this is in part a rather self-indulgent, whiny post, but jesus, I read this last night and I could cry, because I trully, really don't believe anyone will ever love me in my life the way Arthur loves Eames in that story; I just can't even articulate the magnitute of that feeling, and believe me, I've been trying for the past half hour. It's not even a particularly happy story, it deals with some very powerful personal issues, but it's still beyond anything I've ever read, and I don't know why it's affecting me this much, but I just can't stop thinking about it. Sometimes it's not the moments when we're happy, but the times when we are unbearably sad and close to breaking that are the most romantic of all.

I've tried cheering myself up by reading happy, fluffy fics, but I think the effect this story had on me is going to be a lot longer-lasting than just over the time it took me to read it. I mean, come on, I'm breaking out The Smiths -- this story is staying. No wonder Arthur/Eames is becoming my primary fandom of late; the overall quality of the writing is beyond anything I've ever encountered. I find myself doubtful that I'm ever going to purchase another romance novel in my life; the stories this fandom ekes out with astounding regularity make published romance literature somewhat obsolete for me.

Comments

[sirona-gs.livejournal.com]

I know, right? :D gyzym is definitely one of my favourite writers in this fandom already.